the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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