I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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