PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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