No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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