We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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