He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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