I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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