it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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