On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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