pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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