Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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