i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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