i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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