how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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