I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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