all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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