Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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