At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize