i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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