hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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