I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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