Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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