Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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