i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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