# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize