I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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