weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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