a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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