Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize