can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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