If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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