just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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