I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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