I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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