he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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