Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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