Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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