I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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