I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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