i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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