Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
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