I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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