i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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