i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize