i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize