I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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