She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize