names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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