I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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