We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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